Before having kids, it was so comical to hear the irrational or strange phrases being uttered by moms as they herded their kids around. I’d snicker at little conversations heard in the public restroom, or roll my eyes at illogical and empty threats made to ensure good behavior from the children.
Oh how the tides have turned. Three kids later and I’ve suddenly realized, I’M that mom now. I mean, just the other day I was in the public restroom with my two youngest (4 and 1) and it was my “time of the month” *eyeroll*. We were all in a family stall and it was my turn to use the toilet and as I pulled a tampon out of my purse and asked my 4 year old son to turn around and give me privacy, he eyes the tampon and asks, “Mom, what’s that?”.
Oh my gosh, how do I get out of this one? I tell him, “Um, you know what? That’s just a private thing for mommy, so don’t worry about it. Turn around now”. He didn’t buy it. He asked me probably three more times what it was for and I just kept reiterating that it was a private matter and that he needed to give me privacy so I could use the restroom. With suspicion in his eyes, he looked at me and said, “I bet it’s for your butt…”. And then he turned around.
Thank God he did! I about lost it right then and there. I could barely contain my laughter. The only reason I was able to was due to the increasing awareness that I was in a public restroom and that this conversation was likely overheard. I did have a good laugh about it with my best friend the next day though.
As we celebrate all the new conversational topics and phrases that have entered our lives now that we’re moms, I’ve decided to compile a list of commonly used phrases said in my household. So without further ado, here are 22 phrases I say now that I’m a mother.
- Why is this wet?
- What’s in your mouth?
- Why is this sticky?
- Is that poop or chocolate?
- You went poop on the potty!! You get a sticker!
- Don’t wipe your boogers on the window
- Who peed on the floor?
- Because I said so
- Don’t you look at me like that
- Get your hands out of your pants!
- Don’t touch that!
- I said NO!
- No, I am not going to pour you a glass of juice while I’m on the toilet…even IF you provide the glass and container of juice
- Don’t make me pull this car over
- Keep your hands to yourself
- If I have to tell you ONE MORE TIME
- Stop jumping on the couches
- This is your last warning
- Be careful!
- I JUST cleaned that!!
- I don’t care who started it, stop it!
- Stop picking your nose
Please feel free to comment and share some of your own “mom” phrases. 🙂