No, I didn’t send my son to Preschool. Yes, I am still a good Mom.
Remember that time I promised you more posts on mom-shaming? Yeah, well I was serious about that and here it goes. Yes, this is a mini rant, but I promise it’ll be worth reading.
Ladies, I’m over it. I am so sick and tired of people’s reactions and judgement when they learn that my son did not attend preschool before he started Kindergarten. No matter where I am or who I am discussing this with, the moment I bring up the fact that my oldest son did not attend preschool, the general reaction is always shock and surprise with varying amounts of disapproval. Please, someone enlighten me. Why is this a thing?
Yes, I am well aware that most people send their children to a year or maybe even two of preschool but this should not mean that if I choose not to send my kid, that I should automatically be seen in a negative light. Why does the fact that I kept my son home with me mean that I’m a bad mother? Why do people treat me like I’ve done a disservice to him?
If you sent your child to preschool because that’s what was best for your family, then I am proud of you and applaud you for making that choice. I should receive the same type of judgement (or non-judgement in this case). Instead of being made to feel ashamed, embarrassed and like a failure, I should receive the same agreement, encouragement and praise that those that send their kids to preschool do.
When I first started getting reactions like this, I would find myself embarrassed and would try to explain the reason why I kept my son home. Even now as I type this, I feel like I should be explaining to you why I kept him home. I yearned for understanding and wanted others to see my reasoning so they would approve of my actions. As I explained, some people were just politely nodding along but I could tell they thought I had made some grave mistake.
But you know what? I am so done feeling shame over this. There is nothing to be ashamed of. I have my reasons for keeping him home and I shouldn’t have to explain myself to anyone (other than God and my husband!). And I don’t feel embarrassed anymore; I feel anger, frustration and sadness. Sadness that our society has made it commonplace for one mother to judge and cause feelings of shame to arise in another mother like this.
Mom-shaming another mama for any reason only causes a further divide among moms. God knows how hard being a parent is and we need all the support, love and understanding we can get to make it through. Why would we normalize actions that further divide us all?
You guys, we are all just doing the best we can do as we navigate through motherhood. We each have the heavy task of making the best decisions possible for our family unit. I’m not sure if ya’ll noticed, but all of our families are different. Why would we be expected to make all of the exact same decisions for different families?
Here’s my request of you all: First, stop feeling shamed or condemned for your decisions. YOU are the mom. Choose what’s best for your family and make those decisions proudly. Second, stop looking at other mom’s decisions and judging them. Let’s give fellow mothers the benefit of the doubt that they’re making the best decision possible for their family, regardless of us understanding why or not. Let’s support one another and offer understanding and encouragement. Let’s unite the moms!
No, I didn’t send my son to preschool and yes, I am a good mom.