Why do I have to do it all by myself? Why is it always on me to do everything? I have to clean, cook, parent, discipline (two different things, I promise), manage the finances, organize the activities, plan the vacations, blah blah blah…I got tired just typing it all. I think it’s safe to say that most moms have this thought at some point in their life. Some, have it quite frequently.
Many people don’t know this, but I haven’t always been a SAHM (stay at home mom). Almost 3 years ago, I worked full time in the area of finance. My husband and I packed up our home in Texas and moved our family to Minnesota. It was then that I got the opportunity to stay home with my children and take care of my family the way I had always desired.
I wasn’t a person who thought staying at home was easy, but I never imagined it would be this hard. Wow. Quick shout out to the moms who have been doing it longer than 3 years. You are truly amazing. My first year home was a huge adjustment. I didn’t realize that it was so much easier to keep my house clean when we were all out of the house. I was stunned with how much of a mess my children could make in a day.
It seemed like all I did was clean and clean again. I got a handle on it and then came the next thing. Cooking. Then it was time to organize all of the activities. The list kept piling up. There were so many things that needed tending to. My husband was working a contract job that required 60 hours at 6 days a week. I mean, if I didn’t do it, then how would it get done? I enjoyed what I was doing most of the time. This is what I had been feeling in my spirit to do anyway. I enjoyed being able to take care of my family and cook great meals. I loved the fact that when my husband came home, it was a place of rest for him and not chaos. However, I was also tired. I ran myself down trying to do everything by myself and trying to do it perfectly.
I started to feel bad when things I set out to do didn’t come out right. When some things slipped my mind, I immediately began to say bad things about myself. I was just a horrible person…to myself. After a while I started lashing out. I started being a little short with my husband and not giving him the respect that he deserved some days. I was honestly not doing what God called me to do. That was the problem. I was too focused on being the “help mate” in the worst way. I had diminished my role as a mom to nothing more than a maid. On top of that I had blamed my husband for it and started to feel condemnation for being a horrible “maid”.
Ladies, that is not from God. What I was feeling was from the author of lies. Satan loves to attack marriages, but has it out for moms just as bad (if not more). I began to pray about how I was feeling and I felt it drop onto me that I do not need to be “everyone’s everything”. I thought I was trying to please God by being this Proverbs 31 woman, but I was actually just trying to please myself. I was trying to be the “better” mom. I was trying to be the mom who had it all together. The mom who didn’t miss a beat with meals or cleaning. The one who had 6 different planners and kept up with everything. I was in competition with every other mom out there and it was all about boosting my ego. In reality all I was doing was causing chaos in our household because I was overworked and overthinking everything that needed to be done. I never even thought to ask my husband for help. After all, I was at home for a reason, right?
One night, my husband and I were talking and he told me that I don’t have to do everything by myself. See, he never pressured me to do any of the things I was doing. He never even complained about anything, but I had put that pressure on myself and I allowed the voice of the stranger to be my guide. I sought the busyness of being a wife and a mom instead of the blessing. Once I recognized what was happening and my husband began to talk with me, I started to let those things go. I stopped trying to do everything on my own and I asked for the help I needed. I have never felt so relieved. Do I still have my moments where I try to take on too much? Yes, but now I recognize it and I can say, “Nope, I don’t want to do that. Honey would you mind?” Moms, God is not pleased with you being overworked. It does not bring Him joy to see you stressed. In order for us to walk out our true calling as mothers, we must shed this idea that our value comes from “doing” and not “being”. Don’t just do the busy work, be present in the blessing you have been called to. You will have hard days. I’m not saying that you won’t, but you don’t have to do it alone. Reach out to your friends or others within your circle who can help you. Lean on them when those days are especially hard. If you are married, make sure your husband is aware that you may need his help from time to time. It’s important for your sanity and your family.