13 Signs You have Small Children

Having small children can take a toll on you. Your world view changes and your conversational skills take a turn for the worst among other things. You can dwell on these changes, or we can laugh about it together. I choose the latter. Here are 13 irrefutable signs that you have small children at home.

1. Sometimes you say you need “to go potty” to your friends

2. Speaking of, you can’t remember the last time you went “potty” uninterrupted

I'm not asking for a luxurious vacation. I'd just like to take a trip to the bathroom by myself.

3. You have a legitimate fear of legos.

4. Two hours after bedtime, you realize you’re still watching Disney Jr….Attentively watching it.

5. You tend to be repetitive because you have to say things multiple times in order to be heard. And you have to say things more than once in different ways because people just don’t listen. So you’re forced to repeat yourself because nobody in your house seems to have ears.

6. Your call yourself Mommy and talk about yourself in third person all the time.


7. Your favorite movie right now is Moana.


8. You can’t remember the last time you had your hair cut (by an adult) 😉


9. You enjoy grocery shopping alone


10. Sneezing gives you anxiety because peeing yourself a little bit is a very real and legitimate fear

11. Taking a hot and long shower is a rare and wonderful luxury

12. You have a hidden stash of chocolate somewhere in your house

all mine

13. You don’t answer your phone. Ever. Ain’t nobody got time for that.